HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I am sitting here, at 5:58 a.m. reflecting on the past year, and thankful for all of the many blessings that have made this year what it is. I am such at peace and content that here it is, my 26th birthday, and I am in my living room… typing. I have not one birthday party planned, no celebration with gifts, no inclination to go anywhere, and I am perfectly ok with that. It’s not a testimony to my losing flavor or “getting old” but instead of the progression I have made. Even the little things don’t matter anymore, like being sure to buy a club outfit, trying to lock in a VIP corner, and sweating my hair out. Granted, I could cry “poor planning” and the fact that my birthday “snuck up” on me, but even I know that’s not the full truth. This time last year I was a bit miserable actually. But over the course of 365 days, through my complete lunar return, I have landed my career, decided what it is I finally want to do with myself (career-wise) which has a purpose, found love and lost love, bridged some beautiful new friendships while losing as tight a grip on others, been disconnected from my father and stepmother, but reconnected my relationship with my brother, exfriend and niece, managed to go from a once-a-week paycheck to a once-a-month paycheck without harming my credit, resorting to any foolishness, or giving up my home or car (which at one time I really considered having to do), grown spiritually, weakened religiously, put on some pounds, lost some pounds, injured myself, healed myself, reflected and meditated, rested and burned out, retested my knowledge in math (which truly sucked by the way), completed my first, full novel, been tested, been hurt, opened up, revelaed myself, protected myself, helped some folks, loved some folks, endured some folks, come to a near breakdown, fully recovered to love myself, picked up on a beer habit, lost a liquor habit, LMAO explored some desires, repressed some desires, fought some dreams, and lived some dreams.Yes, Jehovah truly has taken care of me. And I am ever thankful. Whether it be the Universe, or the Creator, fate, or coincidence, timing or life panning itself out, some amazing changes have embraced my spirit, my being, my life, and my direction. I hate to speak on love because for some reason I think I jinx myself. I know its silly, but I do. This time, I am truly hoping this time I have gotten it right. I have my ways of thinking myself out of a good thing, and it’s a challenge to make sure I don’t let that happen. This time, though, this time I think I can make it. As long as I stay honest with myself, with him, and in each other I think we’re going to be alright. He has exactly what I’ve been “looking” for, and none of what my previous relationship caused me to skip out on. Seeing as though I really thought the last one was the one, but there were too many variables involved that changed that, I’m really not one to speak on what will make it and what will not, obviously, but I hope that it will. I can truly say I hope and pray he will be my last first time. I have to remember there is no perfect person, and that I have flaws of my own. And although there’s nothing at this moment that I can pinpoint I don’t like about him right now, I’m sure they will come… they always do. And when they do, I hope to remember what God has put in place for me. Because I do think, with all my heart and mind, that he is my next blessing. I believe he came into my life at the time that he did for a reason, and I do not want to take that for granted. Looking back over the last year, nothing seems coincidental anymore, so this has to be true for him too. He is yet another check to add to my list of changes, this one definitely on the “good” side, and I do hope that it stays that way. I’m not sure what is left in store for today, but either way I know that I am blessed and happy and full with love. I am appreciating every moment of my journey, wherever the destination may be. And I know that I am far from finished, and still have so much work to do and improvements to be made, but I can only hope that this time next year… I will be that much closer.