Say Yes

I woke up this morning to one of my typical rituals. I think I have about 3. One weekday, one Saturday, and one Sunday ritual. They each vary slightly, but have the same general formula: Wake up, brush teeth, let Champ out, let Champ back in, feed him, and drink a glass of water. After that point, depending on what day it is, is where the variation occurs.

On Saturdays I typically get my jogging gear on and step outside with my little shadow for a 45 minute walk. During my walk I utter my daily thanks through smiles, light huffs, and brisk steps. My prayer typically lasts about halfway through my walk, and I thank Him for everything from my breath and my sight to the trees and the grass. Nothing is too small, as nothing should be. Saturdays are nice, because they keep me focused. They keep me grounded. They remind me that whatever happened over the last 5 days are over. No matter what. That’s it. They’re past. Time to get up, and keep it moving. Fix what I can fix, and let go of what I can’t. And even those I can change, not to let them consume me. Would they matter 5 years from now? Well then, they’re not major. Once we make it back home Champ usually flops on the floor, huffin and puffin, and I grab another glass of water. Then I shower and either lay down for a little nap before I start my day, or sit down long enough to figure out how my day will go. Saturdays are busy. That’s why I like to start them out slow.

Sundays, though, those are my favorite days. They start out slow, and it’s up to me to keep it that way. Saturday was a day of doing, so Sunday is a day of resting. Depending on how hard I partied the night before, I may or may not be able to get up for a walk on Sunday, but for the most part I try to. Typically I will attempt to do a 25 minute jog, but I can’t tell you why I opt for that on a Sunday instead. If I do go for a jog, Champ has to stay at home. It’s very hard to keep up a good jogging pace with him pulling me to piss on every mailbox. Love that boy, but he stays at home. Guarding, as usual.

I’d like to wake up late on Sundays, and ordinarily I do. Saturday mornings, Champ has me up by 8 or 8:30, ready to relieve himself. But, like I said, I probably partied Saturday night so he knows he won’t hear me shifting around in my bed until at least 10. But once I shift, that’s it. He listens for it. All the way in his room, on his little bed, once he hears me roll over he’s pouncing on my pillow and blowing his hot breath in my face. I love that boy, but that’s not exactly the morning breath I’d like to wake up to.

Sunday s I will generally cook a nice breakfast, write a little, stretch, nap, read, clean, rest, and hours later decide how I’ll spend my day. And today was no different. Well, it was a little different.

After my morning glass of wakeup water I proceeded to my “office” upstairs and started digging for papers. Pretty paper, cardboard, Sharpies, scissors, and tape. I took them all to my bed and made little cut-outs. On them I wrote, “I’m ready for change.” “Peace” “Lead me.” “I’m ready to follow my HEART.” and then the word “Yes” about five times, all on pretty, scenic cut-outs. Then I had to decide where I wanted them to be. I placed them throughout my home, some in the hallway, one in the bathroom, two in the kitchen, one in the den under the television. They are my affirmations. They are the first steps I am making toward change.

I have had a rough past couple of months, and I have gotten tired of letting the negativity evade my dreams while I work so hard on the positivity during my waking hours. But they meant something. My subconscious was trying to tell me something. I was fighting hard to be positive, mentally, but not making physical changes that I really wasn’t getting anywhere. And that has to change. It will change. Now.

I was at a friend’s house last night, waiting to pick her up while she got ready. She had these little pieces of paper throughout her apartment, “YES.” I read them to myself, making mental notes, but making no connection, so I asked her from the cozy couch, “What’s with the yeses?” She said, “It’s an affirmative word. Say it. YES.” I repeated her, “Yes.” She said, “See?” It was so powerful. She went on to say how “no” was so definite. Nothing can come after “no,” but “yes,” yes has opportunity, it’s open.

YES.

I said it under my breath while she walked away, but as I got up to check my phone, which I’d left in my purse on her countertop, I said it out loud, “Yes” and a smile instantly came over me. I liked the way it made me feel. Try it. You can’t help not smile when you say the word yes, right? Yes!

While we were at the Sound Table last night, sipping on some brews and catching up on old times while the dance floor warmed up, she helped me find a clarity that I’d been searching for. A recent breakup that confused, frustrated and hurt me so deep I saw differently. The job I’ve loved so much but that has recently become more of a burden than a pleasure. The graduate school rejection and fear of rejection settling in on me. The disconnect with my father and desire to have him in my life again. I let it all out. And though I’ve always known her wisdom was profound since the day I met her, and always admired her frankness, realness, decisiveness, she gave to me what she probably didn’t expect to, or probably doesn’t even know. I had prayed earlier, “Please help me.” At the time I couldn’t put my hand on exactly what I wanted help with, but I knew I wanted some help. When I sent her a random text earlier that evening, while I was sitting at home, sulking again, “Hey! We gotta get together!” I had no idea the energy I was releasing for the healing I was to receive. But I did. Sometimes we don’t have to know WHAT, we just have to want to, and the rest will be taken care of.

So this morning I woke up and the first thing I did was thanked God for another day and for keeping me safe, and said, “Alright. Time for change.”

Now these little cutouts throughout my home may be very small, may be just little clips from a beautiful calendar scenery, but my home is already feeling changed. My heart is, and so is my thinking. I know nothing will be solved overnight, or in one morning, but all great leaps begin with a first step.

Here’s to step number one. Am I ready for change? YES!