When you've given so much of yourself, and it still wasn't enough... it could make you want to give no more.
So I've prayed, "Lord, please don't let me become bitter. Please help me to see the gain in every loss, and lesson in every tear. I'll love again when you show me I'm ready. Amen."
I would like to say I sit here with reasons, explanations, tallies - all to answer that age-old question "So, why are you single?"
but the truth is, all ego aside, it had nothing to do with me.
A friend of mine told me "It's not personal," but that's hard to believe when it kind of is, you know?
If two people are in a relationship, and one of them no longer wants it, the other (naturally) will take it to be personal.
No matter that he told me U was perfect, that I should be everything to him, that I'm exactly what any man wants...
I was the right one, at the wrong time.
Another friend told me I would just have to wait.
That most men aren't ready til their late 30s.
Well, I'll be damned. I didn't know love came with a stopwatch.
Guess it's time to start the clock over. Too bad I don't want to start over.
As young as I am, I know, but I'm tired.
There's so much that goes into the beginning: the standard questions, the new feelings, the awkward silences, the overdone manners, the comfort levels, the safe levels. It's draining.
But I have a lot of love inside of me.
One of my biggest dreams is to love and be loved in return, peacefully.
Yes, I've loved before. I'm not without, but I want a peaceful love, without outside distractions from individuals whose misery runs so deep their every waking moment is spent on killing the love you're trying to nurture.
A peaceful, respectful, playful, friendly, caring, grow-old love. Not a I'm-not-sure love, looking for more love, I'll get back to it love.
I thought about bottling my love and locking it away... but that would do no good. That's a recipe for a bitter old lady with a perfect flower garden in front of an an empty home.
Instead, I've bottled up my love for safe-keeping - locked it tight, packed it right, and sealed it with a giant bow
Because whoever finally gets my love will have gotten the greatest gift I have to give.
No, I won't give up on love...
I'll just keep it safe, until someone deserving comes along to receive it.
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