Sometimes You Have to BREAK

I have chosen to take a break from social networking for a while. Actually, I have chosen to take a break from certain people, influences, and mediums altogether. Last week I had a jaw-dropping experience happen to me that made me question my sanity and the factors which lead to its deceptive face. As a result, it has occurred to me that I am not emotionally healthy, and until I am I must take a break from anything that corrupted my emotional state. As I'm not a doctor or a detective, everything is subject to search and suspicion.

One of the beauties I've always possessed, but not truly realized until my dad pointed it out to me last week, is the ability to GET IT. As simple as this characteristic may sound, you'd be surprised how hard it is to come by. It truly is a gift. I simply must be told something, taught something, shown something ONCE, and believe it or not, I get it. Growing up, I was the "good child." I seldom got in any trouble, and if I did, I only had to be disciplined for it one time. I got it. And I remembered. Now, I think this gift is going to be less of a trouble avoidance and more a survival technique. I want to be here, I want to be happy, and I want to get to what is keeping from that state so I can embrace it and never go back again. I want to get it, so I can got it, and I'm working on it, now.

The thing about social sites is you can't really be sure who you're dealing with. I mean, anyone can create a phony avatar and post feel-good phrases. But is that person really who they say they are? Until you meet them and get to know them you can't say you're absolutely sure this person is good for your life. And we share so much with strangers. We share our deepest, realest, most random thoughts, actions and stories; do we ever take into account that maybe too much exposure leaves us little to be imagined and/or enjoyed? Maybe because our lives are such an open book we may begin feeling that everyone should read it. But I don't think so. Actually, I'm beginning to think it shouldn't be that way. I only want good people, good energy, good feelings in my circle, and call me what you like if you don't make the cut.

It's been a rather awkward experience actually. I didn't realize how dependent I'd become on Facebook when I'd woke up Saturday morning and almost pressed that "f" app on my phone, but remembered I'd deactivated my account. So I decided to check the weather on my phone instead. And I forgot how used to sharing my every waking thought I was until I went to open my Twitter account and then decided, "No. Not yet." So I grabbed a glass of orange juice and dove into a book.

And I'm not sure what I'm looking to "gain" from all this; maybe nothing. But I will say it has been rather cool talking to people that I care about and who I know care about me again "regularly", texting, emailing, IM'ing... I've never been a big phone chatter. I'm just not. (And after working in a call center for 6 years it became a painful task for the most part) Sometimes it's draining, because I've always been a huge multi-tasker, so when I'm on the phone I'm trying to find something to do, but in the same light I have to pay attention and add commentary to the person on the other end.

I think too damn much. So? I know my flaws. Moving on...

So I've been texting more lately. And sincere texts, too. Not just, forwarding mass religious texts (I despise those things, by the way), but honest to goodness, I want to know how you're doing and that you're on my mind texts. And I hope the recipients of them know and feel I'm sincere. If there's one thing (well there's TONS actually) that I've learned through my most recent ordeal it's to be real with myself, my feelings and others. Genuineness will NEVER go out of style, and if it does I'll be the first to "bring it back" along with a pager, polka dots and Coogi sweaters, because I don't want ANY ONE to not be real to me, and I won't sacrifice me for anyone anymore either.

Now social sites do have their benefits; I get that. All the way. Which is why my withdrawal may not be permanent. I've met some amaaaaaazing people through Facebook, and gotten some awesome natural hair ideas from the #naturalhair divas on Twitter, but first and foremost I know I'll do so when I'm ready to share me with the world again, and when I feel the world is ready again, and deserving, of my light. Some recent events almost put my light out, like ice cold water to a hot bulb. But someone, a few someones, grabbed the lighting fixture just in time and covered the bulb before it's sizzling death. They saved my light. It's still there. And it's getting stronger than ever.

See you on the other side real soon! But not too soon :-)