Crossing the Line

I'm not one to judge, I like to leave that up to the self-righteous folks, but I do like to state my own take on things. One particular issue itching my skin is of what length of time is acceptable for two to cross the line of intimacy. I think once you become sexually involved the innocence is lost, and it’s very obvious you can't go back from whence you came. So if sex will only complicate matters, then it should be safe to say that waiting is the best judgement... but how long to wait?

Several go by the 3-month rule, others choose the 3rd-date rule, while many these days go by the "vibe," and if the vibe is right then it's going down. Maybe in my early college days I would jump in on the latter option, but now being much more experienced in the game of love and lust I know better than to expect anything lasting of a relationship that wasn't first built on some level of friendship- a deep level of friendship, of course, being the best selection.

I think if a man (and please don't take this post as a sexist one; I am merely only making reference to a man's actions in relation to a woman's because all I know how to be and think is as a woman...I'm working on perfecting my man-knowledge, but these days there seems to be so many different kinds than there were years ago that I'm forced to head back to the writing board) is willing to jump a woman's bones quick enough who he claims he can see going long-term with will only lead me to distrust him more. My conclusion is this: why would you hesitate boning a quick squeeze when you didn't waste a moment on your main one? On the contrary, if he takes some time getting to know you, feeling you out mentally more than he does physically, he might just not be so tempted to hop on the first few sexy bonitas who cross his path when he's not around you.

I can't be the relationship referee to say when exactly is the right time to cross that line, but I can say one better be sure he or she is ready to do so because there is no turning back. As much as people like to say, "Oh sex is just sex," I really do not think it is. I believe intercourse is spiritual, even if the two involved in the act do not consider themselves that. Once two bodies are shared, there is a connection- of bodily fluids, of bodily functions, of human nature- and that connection does not simply dissipate. I think this is why there is more to be said of those who lie with several partners. Because those individuals have now shared such a spreading bond within their circle that they have somehow dislocated their inner self. I think it’s difficult to feel complete of yourself if you’ve spread yourself around with everyone or nearly so.

I think it would be fair to say the days of abstaining until marriage is a thing of the past. And though some still choose this route, it is wildly unpopular- and I think for good reason. Sex in itself is a very important component in the relationship, and if there is some lacking, incompatibility, or dysfunction these could very well lead to some turbulent times. But, if one hasn’t sampled what they’re locking down the rest of their life before the commitment, they may very well be in for a surprise that isn’t exactly satisfactory. However, because this act forfeits the innocence then there we are back at the good angel/bad angel proposal.

It’s sensible to believe that with some careful personal exploration, several might find that they really need to justify what the need for crossing that line is. If it is simply to relieve some prolonged sexual desire then maybe it’s time to take a trip to a novelty shop and seek pleasure in your own privacy. If this is too perverted and the fire in the loins is simply too strong then I would just urge a notion of caution- not to confuse sex with love and feelings for sex, because they are not synonymous. It is very natural for feelings to stir up after a sexual encounter, but no conclusions should be drawn immediately- I think that is how problems and tensions are started. The two people need to be on the same page- mentally first- and in agreement of where crossing that line will end them both up at on the other side.